


a place to go

by farfromthstars



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s04e04 9-1-1 What's Your Grievance?, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:08:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfromthstars/pseuds/farfromthstars
Summary: Eddie is sitting on the couch in sweats and a t-shirt, looking at something on his phone while Christopher is playing with his Legos and explaining to his dad that it’s gonna be a spaceship when he’s done. Buck leans against the doorway for a moment and just watches them in the warm light from the little lamps Eddie has placed all over the room. Just looking at them, he already feels less like he’s splintering at the edges, slowly falling apart.orcoda to 4x04, Eddie and Chris take care of Buck
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 55
Kudos: 610





	a place to go

**Author's Note:**

> This episode hurt me so bad that this fic sort of just spilled out of me. Someone needs to give that poor boy a hug!

“Buck?” Chris’ voice on the other end of the line is familiar, immediately soothing. 

“Hey, buddy. What’s up?”

“Dad says you had a bad day. We wanted to ask if you wanted to come over.”

“Or if he wants us to come to him,” Eddie’s voice comes from the background. 

Christopher repeats, “Or we could come to your house.”

There are tears in Buck’s eyes and he’s _so_ tired. He swallows once, twice, tries to keep his voice steady. “Aw, Christopher, that’s very nice. But I don’t want to put you out, and I’m really tired…”

“He said no,” Chris’ voice says away from the phone and Buck can hear some shuffling and murmuring before it comes back clearer again. “Dad wants to talk to you.”

Buck sighs. “Alright, put him on. And hey, Chris? Thanks for calling.”

“Love you, Buck!”

The easy affection makes Buck tear up again and he sounds choked when he says, “Love you too, kid.”

And then it’s Eddie’s quiet voice on the phone. “Hey. You doing okay?”

“Trying to therapize me again, Diaz?”

“No. I just wanna make sure you know you’re not alone.”

“Eddie…”

“Buck.” His voice is firm, but so warm and Buck _aches_.

“I’m not gonna be great company tonight.”

“So what? You can just sit on the couch with us and watch a movie in silence. Beats stewing in your own misery alone, doesn’t it?”

They’re quiet for a minute, Eddie just waiting while Buck grapples with his self-doubt. Eddie makes it sound so easy. Like he won’t be imposing. They always make it feel like that too, and selfishly, he wants nothing more than to be with his Diaz boys tonight.

“Okay,” he finds himself saying.

“Okay,” Eddie echoes, sounding quietly pleased. “You want us to come over to yours?”

“No, no, I’ll come over.” At least that way, he can leave when he feels like he’s getting too much.

“Alright. Just let yourself in when you’re here. Drive safe, okay?”

Opening the door to Eddie’s house with his own key feels like a small miracle even on his best days, and when he does it today, his hands are shaking. He keeps the light in the hallway off, kicking off his shoes in the dark and following the sound of Eddie and Chris’ voices to the living room.

Eddie is sitting on the couch in sweats and a t-shirt, looking at something on his phone while Christopher is playing with his Legos and explaining to his dad that it’s gonna be a spaceship when he’s done. Buck leans against the doorway for a moment and just watches them in the warm light from the little lamps Eddie has placed all over the room. Just looking at them, he already feels less like he’s splintering at the edges, slowly falling apart.

And then Christopher looks over, his face lighting up at the sight of him.  
“Buck! You made it!”

Eddie looks up and their eyes meet for a moment in quiet understanding. Eddie wants him here, his eyes are saying, he’s not a burden. _Thank you,_ Buck replies, wordlessly and grateful.

“I wouldn’t miss the chance to hang out with my best friend,” he tells Chris, walking over to give him a high-five. “What are you building?”

“A spaceship,” Chris starts and Buck listens to him explain every detail attentively as if he hadn’t already heard it all a minute ago. 

It’s comfortable, and Buck feels his shoulders relax for the first time in days as he settles onto the couch next to Eddie, watching Chris expertly describe every part of the spaceship he’s building. 

It should be scary how well Eddie can read him sometimes, but instead it just makes him feel seen when Eddie eventually says, “Hey, _mijo_ , I think Buck may be a bit too tired to play tonight, so maybe we could just watch a movie. What do you think?”

Christopher is of course on board immediately, and goes through Netflix Kids to find something to watch. They settle on The Lego Movie, and when Buck is on the couch between both of them, Eddie’s shoulder pressing against his and grounding him, Christopher tucked under his other arm, he almost feels okay.

When the movie is over, Eddie tells Christopher it’s time to get ready for bed, and he doesn’t even put up much of a fight.

“Are you leaving now?” he only asks Buck, and Buck smiles at him, shaking his head.

“I’ll wait until you’re in bed to say goodnight, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris says, grabbing his crutches and making his way to the bathroom.

Buck watches him go, his heart already growing heavy at the thought of having to leave and go to his empty loft soon.

“Do you wanna...talk about it?” Eddie asks carefully once they’re alone.

“No,” Buck spits out, then, “I don’t know.”

He texted Eddie this afternoon after he told Maddie he needed some time on his own to process, incoherent, disjointed texts typed with shaking hands, riddled with typos. He’s not sure if Eddie was able to understand anything, and he ignored his concerned texts and all of his calls until Chris called from their landline tonight.

“You don’t have to,” Eddie says. “Not with me, at least. I do think you should talk to Dr Copeland about it.”

Buck leans his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands. “I know. I will. I just...my whole _life_. They all lied to me.”

Eddie’s hand on his back is careful, as if he’s not sure he’s allowed to touch. Buck makes a sound that’s almost a sob and turns his whole body until his face is pressed to Eddie’s shoulder, and he’s so _embarrassed-_

“Hey, it’s okay,” Eddie whispers, and then his arms are around Buck and he’s pulling him in even closer, and Buck can’t hold it in anymore, he’s so damn _tired_ -

Eddie doesn’t say anything, just holds him, rubbing a warm hand up and down Buck’s back as he sobs, hands twisted in Eddie’s t-shirt, clinging to him desperately with his face pressed against his shoulder, the fabric growing wet from his tears.

He’s not sure how long they stay like this, but eventually, his breathing evens out and the tears finally stop coming. Eddie doesn’t move away, so Buck stays where he is, focusing on the steady movement of Eddie’s hand on his back, the warmth of his body so close to his.

“Sorry,” he mumbles eventually, sitting up and rubbing at his face. “Sorry, I-”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Eddie still hasn’t let him go fully, one hand on his elbow and the other on Buck’s knee where he’s pulled his leg up onto the couch. “Buck. You don’t have to apologize for anything. I won’t pretend I know what you’re going through, but I know it’s a lot and I know it’s got to be hard, so just...I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you need, whether it’s distraction, or someone to talk to, or just a hug. I’m here.”

Buck feels his face crumble again and presses a hand to his eyes. “Thank you.”

Eddie’s hand wanders up to his shoulder and squeezes. “Always.”

“Buck?” Christopher’s voice comes from the doorway and Buck wipes at his face hurriedly, trying his best to look like he didn’t just have a breakdown against his best friend’s shoulder before he turns around.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Will you tuck me in tonight?”

Buck knows that these days, Christopher often doesn’t want to be tucked in at all anymore, insisting that he’s too old for it. He swallows past the lump in his throat and gives Chris a smile. “Sure, kiddo, of course.”

He follows the clacking of Chris’ crutches to his bedroom, waiting by the door as the boy climbs into bed.

“Do you want me to read a chapter in your book too?”

Chris recently started reading the Percy Jackson books and Buck knows he’s already on book two, _The Sea of Monsters_ , by now. He reads on his own a lot, but every now and then, he still likes his Dad or Buck to read to him too.

“Yes, please,” Chris says politely, and then grins at Buck brightly. “Can you do the voices too? Dad still can’t do it right.”

Buck laughs. “Sure, Chris, I’ll do the voices.”

He settles on top of the covers next to Chris, opens the book at the bookmark and starts to read. He uses his normal voice for Percy, pitches it higher for Annabeth and makes a deep, booming voice when it’s Tyson who’s speaking, and Chris just leans his head against his shoulder, listening quietly. When the chapter is over, Chris reaches out to hug Buck, squeezing tightly. Startled, Buck hugs back.

“Thank you,” he says, his face against the top of Chris’ head. He knows this - the bedtime story, the hug - is more for his benefit than Chris’, and he loves the kid so damn much for it.

As promised, he tucks Chris in, then leans down to press a kiss to his forehead, hit by another wave of tenderness. “Love you, kid. Sleep tight.”

“Goodnight, Buck, love you.”

Eddie is watching them from the door with a thoughtful look on his face and for a second, Buck worries that he’s overstepped. But then Eddie’s eyes meet his and something about the emotion in them takes Buck’s breath away. It tells him that it’s okay, that he’s allowed to love Christopher the way he does.

He leaves to give Eddie time to say goodnight to his son, keeping himself busy by picking up things around the living room, cleaning after them a little. He wishes there was a way to tell the two of them how grateful he is, to repay them for how much they’ve given him tonight. 

The past few days have felt like a constant nightmare that started with Maddie telling him their parents were on their way into town, and then just kept getting worse and worse, to lows Buck never thought existed. This evening, on the Diazes couch, has felt like the first real break from it. There’s a lot he’ll have to work through, a lot of talking he’ll have to do, to Maddie, to Dr Copeland. He still feels like he has more questions than answers, and he knows he deserves getting the answers - but he also thinks he deserves one night of comfort. One night where his every thought doesn’t revolve around his fucked up family and the way his parents made him feel his whole life.

He sits down on the couch again, staring at the wall. He really, really doesn’t want to leave, feels like the little bubble that’s formed around him is gonna burst as soon as he steps out of the house. But he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome.

When Eddie comes back to the living room, Buck watches him approach, scratching his stomach absently and pulling at the fabric. Buck’s mouth goes dry just looking at the small strip of skin and he snaps his eyes away, waiting until Eddie sits down next to him. 

He pulls one leg up onto the couch and twists so he’s facing Buck, so Buck turns too.

“Look,” Eddie starts. “Tell me to stop talking if it’s too much, but I just want you to know...I _hate_ that your parents made you feel this way. I wish you knew that you aren’t difficult, how special you are and how easy to love. Look at Christopher. He loves you, so much. _I_ love you. And it’s not for nothing. You give so much of yourself, Buck, and you’re worthy of being loved the same way you love. Do you hear me?”

He’s looking at Buck so intently through his whole speech that Buck can’t tear his eyes away, as much as he wants to. He can feel the tears welling up again and his first instinct is to turn away in embarrassment, to hide them, but Eddie always tells Christopher it’s okay to cry, and he’s never ever made Buck feel ashamed of his feelings, so he doesn’t.

“Buck, I’m serious,” Eddie says. “Did you hear what I said?”

Buck nods. “Yeah. And I...I’m trying to believe it.”

“Okay.” Eddie nods, reaching out and fitting his hand against Buck’s shoulder again. “That’s okay, take your time. We’ll be here to remind you of it as often as you need to.”

Buck nods too, and doesn’t know what to say; his lips are trembling and he’s just- everything is so _messed up_ -

Eddie’s hand moves to the back of his neck, squeezing, and then he’s pulling Buck in with a quiet, “Hey, come here.”

He tugs on Buck’s arm, rearranging their bodies until they’re both lying down, a tight fit on the couch, his arms around Buck holding him close.

They don’t do this. Shoulders bumping, a quick hug here and there, a hand on a shoulder, knees pressed together - _that_ they do, small touches and reassurances. But this? Buck would never have asked for a cuddle, afraid of giving away too much, but here Eddie is, offering it freely, and Buck just...lets go.

With a sigh, he buries his head against Eddie’s neck and closes his eyes, lets himself be held.

They stay like this for a long time, and Buck doesn’t think about anything but Eddie and him wrapped around each other, focuses on Eddie’s body heat, the soothing motions of his hand on Buck’s back, the light scratch of his fingers on his scalp.

His hurt and pain and confusion aren’t gone, they’re just...soothed for now, and Buck is starting to believe he might actually get to sleep tonight.

When he lifts his head from Eddie’s shoulder and looks up, Eddie is already looking at him. Buck thinks he should probably move away, sit up, but Eddie hasn’t let go of him, his hand now cradling the back of Buck’s head, so he doesn’t. He just rests his chin on his hand that’s been pressed against Eddie’s chest for a while, and looks back.

They both know what this is, the line they’re toeing, have _been_ toeing for a while. Buck lets his eyes flick down to Eddie’s lips before looking back up.

Eddie murmurs, “I’d rather not do anything you might regret once you’re in a less vulnerable place.”

If there’s one thing in the rubble of his recently blown-up life that Buck is sure of, it’s this: “I won’t regret it.”

“Okay,” Eddie says, and the smile on his face is brilliant. Buck can feel Eddie’s heartbeat under the palm of his hand, the speed of it a stark contrast to the softness of his voice. “That’s good to hear. But we’ve got time, and you’ve had an emotional day, so maybe for tonight we should just go to bed.”

“Here?” Buck asks, carefully hopeful.

“Yes,” Eddie says firmly, “you’re staying. In my bed, just to sleep. I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”

Buck could kiss him just for that, _wants_ to kiss him, but Eddie is right - maybe tonight isn’t the best time. Instead, he lets Eddie lead him to his bedroom by the hand, gets changed into the fresh sweats and t-shirt Eddie hands him (they were his at some point anyway, he’s sure) and brushes his teeth with the toothbrush Eddie keeps for him.

When they crawl into bed, Eddie pulls Buck to his chest like they’ve done this a thousand times, holding him close. Buck settles into the role of the little spoon happily, suddenly bone tired.

It’s been a horrible few days, but at least he’s got this: Eddie, Christopher and the comfort of knowing he always has a place to go.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell with me on [tumblr](https://buckactuallys.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
